stags have been running all threw my head since my meditation the other day. sadly i havent been able to reach that same amount of inner peace. infact i havent been able to do much of anything. ive tried n tried but i keep getting interupted. its always something. also ive felt so keyed up and cant shut the voices in my mind up latly. that is my biggest problem. i always here people talking in my head. not like skitofrena. i mean mostly its my inner monologue that wont shut up. every time i try to clear my head "hey we havent had steak in a while it sounds good" or "crap i was suposed to get dog food today" and so on. but i find when i meditate i shut off my very loud inner voice. which never shuts up by the way. i hear other voices. its like there trying to tell me a story sometimes other times it just odd thought that i was thinking . like out of nowhere yesterday i was thinking about how water irigations work to grow crops. which is just weird since ive never really studied it. sure i know how it works but where the hell did that come from? they have been geting worse latly since for years i worked HARD to shut them up as a kid. i had horible insomnia i could never sleep becuase i would constantly think about stuff or when i was just about asleep something would call my name in my head and wake me up. it used to scare the crap out of me since it sounded in a voice not my own and of course beacuse it was very loud. but latly i have been trying to beef up my phychic abilitys. so ive been working on turning them on. which is not so hard i just have to stop trying to keep them out. but i mostly get jibberish. its frustrating. i feel like im backpeddling with it all. plus not being able to meditate and trying agian and agian to no avail makes me feel as if im beating the ol perverbial dead horse with my atempts at magical prograssion. i work a few hours each day every day and feel drained laltly. onfact i spent all day watching tv yesterday minus the three hour nap in the middle of the day. i simply had no umph i was content to sit there and zone all day. guess my brain needed a break.